President Obama:
Look, guys...people are hurtin' out there. They need jobs, and I want a jobs bill NOW! Also, could you find a way to get that darned healthcare package passed? That would be nice. [Heath Shuler, if you don't wake up, I'm going to send the Dallas Cowboys to blitz you.] Hey, SCOTUS...nice job; now I have to demand Congress to pass Campaign Finance Reform, and now. [Shut up, Alito.]
And tell the banks I still want our money back, and I will get it back. Anyway, enough of that Don't Ask crap already. And could you all please stop with the damn bickering? [Especially you, Boehner and Cantor, you two sniveling punks...] Come on, man. Just a reminder: we're still leaving Iraq.
Thanks. President, out!
Republican Response, by Bob McDonnell:
"Hi! Bob McDonnell here! I...uh...got nothing to say, really. Um...kinda stole my thunder there, Mr. President. But look at this wonderful crowd I got here! I got a black guy over here--hey, Mr. Camera Man, put that guy on TV! There ya go! See? I'm a compassionate Republican! Wait, what about that guy in the Military dress? Yeah, put him on, too! See? I support the troops! Everyone in Virginia loves me, and I've only been governor of the Commonwealth for two weeks!
So, in closing...cut taxes, stop spending so much, detain the terrorists somewhere else, and God Bless America...and nowhere else! Except probably Haiti. Thanks!
[offcamera: Alright, everyone get out! Show's over. There are sandwiches and Cheerwine outside at the white truck. Get the cleaning crew in here, stat--can't have the legislature comeback to a dirty place, y'know?]
No comments:
Post a Comment